Yea Willie, though it's not so much WW1 that I'm worried about, but Christmas!!!
In yet another dramatic development and after a £150 million pound Jolly ( err sorry, Investigation), Bureaucrats have ruled that since Father Christmas has been giving more toys to good Children and less to those that are Naughty, this is a Discrimitory act and must STOP.
Once the investigation started, there appeared to be no stopping it and it was also found that Health and safety issues had either not been taken into account or worst still totally ignored.
St Nicholas did agree that the Reindeer's had not been issued with either Hi Visibility Jackets, hard hats, nor safety Goggles whilst flying, and only one had been issued with some sort of torch to guide them!! again this could be classed as discrimination, as I am sure all the Reindeer at some point should have been given the opportunity to be at the front !!
It was suggested by one daft individual that to get over this issue, perhaps a 1.5 million watt light bulb could be attached to a specially made helmet!!
( They are now in line to accept a very nice Bonus to their salary at the end of the year -- have you noticed how I have had to say they and NOT he or she!!! )
At this point it became obvious that St. Nicholas did not even have a driving Licence, let alone insurance and although he tried to claim 300 years of Grandfather's rites to drive a Sledge with out any accidents in this time what so ever, this was rejected out of hand!!!
St. Nicholas was also singled out for not using a proper Harness whilst climbing down the Chimney's nor using a respirator against unwanted Soot, he didn't even appear to know what Steel toe cap boots were, let alone wear them!!!
The sledge itself had SO many issues, this alone was worth a hefty fine!!, no Brake lights, no seat belts, no navigational light's, no ON TOW signs and where, they wanted to know was the Air Bag? The on board cigarette lighter, fitted standard to all sledge model's was a fire risk, and indeed there was not even a fire extinguisher aboard!!
It was therefore concluded that Father Christmas should be Banned for a minimum of 5 years and fined £ 275, 000. His argument of being a Charity was Thrown out, and when he said that all the Elves worked for free, he was accused of running a sweat shop! and the fine now total'd £ 450,000.
Christmas has now gone Bankrupt!!! The Reindeer are to be sold for Horsemeat, ( or is that as Horsemeat !!!
) Lapland is to be SOLD to a local supermarket, and the Elves are now all Unemployed.
In the words of one Bureaucrat " it has been a good day for us, another Company has been told to conform to our utterly ridiculous standards, and the fact it has gone bankrupt and the people are out of work is nothing to do with us Guv! In fact looking on the bright side, all those 2354 Elves and even Father Christmas himself, will now be able to collect massive benefits, and as I said to them --- it beats working!!!
By the end of the year, a lot of us will also receive very big Bonuses for a super good job Well done!!!!!!!
Chris Cringle, representing St Nicholas only had this to say " Another fine tradition has been thrown on the waste heap, in the name of political correctness gone MAD. It's a very sad day for us all.
